It all felt so similar. But if Mariko could be certain of nothing else now, she could be certain her life would never be the same again.
But honor never held much weight for her. Especially not in the face of injustice.
The girl almost smiled to herself. But she did not have time for the luxury of emotion.
Nor could they continue to allow their painful past to direct the course of their future.
Her brother wore his smiles like she wore these paints. A grinning mask, concealing fury and heartbreak. Their mother used to say they should be careful of the masks they chose to wear. For one day, those masks could become their faces.
They say her actions as foolish. But they were afraid, and they'd built their lives upon this fear. It was time to dismantle it from within. Strike it down at its very foundation.
But beneath this hushed intensity seethed something sinister.
And the lies this city wore - liess cloaked in silk and steel - shimmered beneath the suface, ready to take shape. No matter the cost, Mariko would mold them into what they should have been from the start: The truth.
In this fight, she would not have weapons of wood and metal and smoke at her disposal. She would instead be armed with nothing more than her mind and her own mettle.
She'd never known the right words to do so before. Never known how to wield the right weapons. But ingenuity could be a weapon, in all its forms. Her mind could be a sword. Her voice could be an axe. Her fury could ignite a fire.
My fear - even when it is feigned - has more weight when it is matched alongside anger.
Water was far too fluid and changeable.
To topple evil from its vaunted pedestal.
She was stronger now, in more ways than one.
The truth blazed bright whithin her. She was more than an object of any man's desire.
"I find it easier to control something when it is in peices."
"It does nothing to merely chop down a weed. One must tear it out by the roots"
"Respect is not a thing granted. It is a thing earned."
Death always collected its due. The only thing that remained steadfastly true was power. The power you had. The powar you gave. The powar you concealed.
It was a night for magic. A night swirling with mystery, an unknowable energy pulsing in its depths. A promise and a threat.
"Perhaps you are not what I thought you would be." He unfolded his palms, holding them at either side of his body, as though he concealed nothing. "Or perhaps that is exactly what you wish for me to think."
"You may ask whatever you wish, but I do not owe you a response."
After all, what kind of purpose did retribution provide? It was the kind that destroyed its bearer in a ceaseless cycle of hatred.
It was a dangerous kind of hatred, because it was hard to sense how deep its roots lay.
Loving someone is to lose control.
For fear was the greatest of equalizers, save for death itself.
"You wish for vengeance, do you not phoenix?"
"To rise from the ashes?"
"First you must burn."
If she'd learned anything about the imperial court, she'd learned it was a place of secrets and deceit. And with such things came the possibility of anything at all.
Everything in life began with an idea.
Where there was anger, there was no room for shame.
"We take moments of pleasure. Collect them and keep them tight in our chests. And we hope they are enough to fill whatever holes our truths leave behind."
She could act from her heart. Or her head.
Her heart - a compass directed by emotion - pointed her toward the wrongness of the action. How it would eat away at her later.
Her mind told her what would happen if she failed. She would lose an opportunity to gain footing, and the tasks she wished to accomplish would be forced beyond reach.
Women and men who took perverse pleasure in exacting unnecessary revenge on others.
She forced herself to look away. Forced herself to remain silent and accept the cold glare of truth.
A strong affirmation often masks a denial.
The darkness needed to invade her. A cool wash of ice needed to flow through her veins. She needed this detachment.
Youth was a powerful excuse for folly.
As much as I am loath to admit it, fear can be a strong motivation for action.
"I only meant that it is sometimes difficult to see the future when you are so focused on the past."
"I don't understand how you can continue to be so indifferent. Are you feigning it? Or have you been feigning apathy for so long that you no longer know the difference? Do you even know what it means to truly feel?'
"My behavior is mine and mine alone."
"I let my anger take hold, and anger is a temperamental beast."
Feeling pain and sorrow was not at all a sign of weakness. It was a sign of love.
"don't stop yourself from feeling. That is what it means to truly live."
"Our deepest truths are usually the hardest to conceal."
Perhaps this was what it meant to feel love. To be together and apart in the same instant.
"Water shifts and flows with its surroundings, but I've realized something else. Still waters turn foul over time. Even if I am uncertain of the destination, I must keep moving. You must keep moving, before you rot from the inside out. Do not give up."
"Sometimes we just need to be held."
"Stop talking unless you have something worthwhile to say."
Leaders needed to know what lay around the next bend, even when moving through uncharted territory. A follower need only concern himself with each of his steps. Each of his breaths. He could move forward, oblivious to the path ahead. Trusting in those left to make the decisions.
Ever the hero. Ever the villain.
Bitter, yet full of life and promise.
As though nothing of import remained. As though he owed no one allegiance or expectation. The idea itself was so freeing. Even if it was only for this night, he needed a drop of hope amid a sea of joylessness.
But pain gave the simplest actions meaning. What had been effortless was now more different than it had ever been before.
Beauty from ruin.
But humor was not the only thing they both needed now. Hope was the thing.
Fear made them both stronger. Smarter.
I realized then that every person has a story to tell. And for every person, that story is the most important one.
Loss had taught her yet another lesson. Real love was more than a moment. It was everything that happened after. Chaos in one instant, simplicity in the next. Everything and nothing in the space of a simple breath.
No. I will not let these fears rule me. I have better things to do with my time.
They both needed more than love. More than their heart's desires. They needed a way to bring about action.
It was trite to say that not everything was as it seemed. But that fundamental understanding had become a necessary part of life.
To question the trick of the eyes and the blurring of the senses that so many failed to notice in this realm of magic. Making them vulnerable.
"Do not look away from what you know to be true."
So many sources of discord. So many sources of heartache.
Kanako surged on, taking root in his weakness, turning the spark of discord into a flame. She let the rising plume cloud the rest of his mind, like smoke in the sun.
This was inelegant, but necessary.
The tiny mirrors along the hedge of the colorless world began to shimmer as though a gust of wind had raked across their surfaces. As they shimmered, they took to the air, their shapes like that of other worldly butterflies. They blossomed and burst into hollowed husks of human beings. Like shadow selves.
She said nothing as they demeaned her. Done nothing, save nurture her hate in cold silence.
She waited while his true soul rose from his body, turned into silver butterfly, and settled itself in the hedge, its wings a twinkling mirror of dark and light.
"We must distance ourselves from comparison." Suke dipped her head in a bow.. "That is the only way to be truly free."
"I would rather die for love than stand by and watch my love perish."
It was time for her mind to make a statement of its own.
Mariko's dream for a world with a place for her in it. Not as someone's daughter. Not as someone's wife. But as a woman who made her own choices. Lived without fear.
Her hope blazed bright at the thought, despite the fear lurking in her heart.
"Save your deference for the deserving."
He wanted to sleep. To lose consciousness and fade into nothingness.
"We take moments of pleasure. Collect them and keep them tight in our chests. And we hope they are enough to fill whatever holes our truths leave behind."
She could act from her heart. Or her head.
Her heart - a compass directed by emotion - pointed her toward the wrongness of the action. How it would eat away at her later.
Her mind told her what would happen if she failed. She would lose an opportunity to gain footing, and the tasks she wished to accomplish would be forced beyond reach.
Women and men who took perverse pleasure in exacting unnecessary revenge on others.
She forced herself to look away. Forced herself to remain silent and accept the cold glare of truth.
A strong affirmation often masks a denial.
The darkness needed to invade her. A cool wash of ice needed to flow through her veins. She needed this detachment.
Youth was a powerful excuse for folly.
As much as I am loath to admit it, fear can be a strong motivation for action.
"I only meant that it is sometimes difficult to see the future when you are so focused on the past."
"I don't understand how you can continue to be so indifferent. Are you feigning it? Or have you been feigning apathy for so long that you no longer know the difference? Do you even know what it means to truly feel?'
"My behavior is mine and mine alone."
"I let my anger take hold, and anger is a temperamental beast."
Feeling pain and sorrow was not at all a sign of weakness. It was a sign of love.
"don't stop yourself from feeling. That is what it means to truly live."
"Our deepest truths are usually the hardest to conceal."
Perhaps this was what it meant to feel love. To be together and apart in the same instant.
"Water shifts and flows with its surroundings, but I've realized something else. Still waters turn foul over time. Even if I am uncertain of the destination, I must keep moving. You must keep moving, before you rot from the inside out. Do not give up."
"Sometimes we just need to be held."
"Stop talking unless you have something worthwhile to say."
Leaders needed to know what lay around the next bend, even when moving through uncharted territory. A follower need only concern himself with each of his steps. Each of his breaths. He could move forward, oblivious to the path ahead. Trusting in those left to make the decisions.
Ever the hero. Ever the villain.
Bitter, yet full of life and promise.
As though nothing of import remained. As though he owed no one allegiance or expectation. The idea itself was so freeing. Even if it was only for this night, he needed a drop of hope amid a sea of joylessness.
But pain gave the simplest actions meaning. What had been effortless was now more different than it had ever been before.
Beauty from ruin.
But humor was not the only thing they both needed now. Hope was the thing.
Fear made them both stronger. Smarter.
I realized then that every person has a story to tell. And for every person, that story is the most important one.
Loss had taught her yet another lesson. Real love was more than a moment. It was everything that happened after. Chaos in one instant, simplicity in the next. Everything and nothing in the space of a simple breath.
No. I will not let these fears rule me. I have better things to do with my time.
They both needed more than love. More than their heart's desires. They needed a way to bring about action.
It was trite to say that not everything was as it seemed. But that fundamental understanding had become a necessary part of life.
To question the trick of the eyes and the blurring of the senses that so many failed to notice in this realm of magic. Making them vulnerable.
"Do not look away from what you know to be true."
So many sources of discord. So many sources of heartache.
Kanako surged on, taking root in his weakness, turning the spark of discord into a flame. She let the rising plume cloud the rest of his mind, like smoke in the sun.
This was inelegant, but necessary.
The tiny mirrors along the hedge of the colorless world began to shimmer as though a gust of wind had raked across their surfaces. As they shimmered, they took to the air, their shapes like that of other worldly butterflies. They blossomed and burst into hollowed husks of human beings. Like shadow selves.
She said nothing as they demeaned her. Done nothing, save nurture her hate in cold silence.
She waited while his true soul rose from his body, turned into silver butterfly, and settled itself in the hedge, its wings a twinkling mirror of dark and light.
"We must distance ourselves from comparison." Suke dipped her head in a bow.. "That is the only way to be truly free."
"I would rather die for love than stand by and watch my love perish."
It was time for her mind to make a statement of its own.
Mariko's dream for a world with a place for her in it. Not as someone's daughter. Not as someone's wife. But as a woman who made her own choices. Lived without fear.
Her hope blazed bright at the thought, despite the fear lurking in her heart.
"Save your deference for the deserving."
He wanted to sleep. To lose consciousness and fade into nothingness.
He'd fought for a life devoid of this feeling. A life in which no one needed to rely upon him. He'd enjoyed living without this burden. Without these responsibilities.
Here one moment, gone the next.
His rage was clarity. His rage was strength. His rage moved him to action.
"I've kept silent. I've done this dance of lies so many times I fear I no longer know what's true."
"No words can excuse what we did to each other. You are just as much to blame as I am."
It wearied her, these stories she spun like yarn to everyone around her.
"Have you ever looked at any of them and seen equal? Seen someone who struggles and lives and breathes and loves just as you do?"
"It's not enough for us to pretend to be better than they are. Because we are not. We cheat and kill, lie and steal. To get what we want. And we don't care who we hurt to get it."
But it wasn't that simple. It had never been that simple.
And she no longer wished to deny her heart its truth.
If anything, the misfortunes of his life had proven to him how pointless it was to let pride dictate his actions. No. He was not proud. He simply wanted to be alone.
Honor was a thing to hate. It drove people to act foolishly, as though they were heroes. As though they were invincible.
"You are not the only one to have lost everything. Some of us just choose to do something about it."
At times, it looked as though the emperor would do anything to ensure loyalty, even destroy the very foundation on which it was built.
It was much easier not to care.
Magic required pain. She, too, had suffered a great deal. In life, everything worthwile involved sacrifice.
Fight not for greatness, but for goodness.
It was the work of a moment. A choice made, and a door pushed open.
It was time for him to forgive his past. Not forget it. Only a fool would forget such things.
They'd given their son the gift of great power. Not the kind of power granted by a demon. The kind of power that people laid down their lives to protect. The power of hope.
"Suffering is never fair to anyone."
There was so much for them both to accomplish. So much for them to lose.
But the things she'd done - all that she'd fought for and experienced - had proven to her that life was about more than this. More than love.
But some part of him rebelled at the notion. Rebelled at the truth.
"Because if no one cares about what is right or wrong in the seat of our empire - the very seat of our justice - then all we hold dear is lost."
"Your passivity gives him leave to act like a monster. If you allow a monster to destroy everything in its path, then you are no better than the monster."
"It is not poison. It is the truth."
It was the bitter taste of relief.
It was time for him to forgive his past. Not forget it. Only a fool would forget such things.
They'd given their son the gift of great power. Not the kind of power granted by a demon. The kind of power that people laid down their lives to protect. The power of hope.
"Suffering is never fair to anyone."
There was so much for them both to accomplish. So much for them to lose.
But the things she'd done - all that she'd fought for and experienced - had proven to her that life was about more than this. More than love.
But some part of him rebelled at the notion. Rebelled at the truth.
"Because if no one cares about what is right or wrong in the seat of our empire - the very seat of our justice - then all we hold dear is lost."
"Your passivity gives him leave to act like a monster. If you allow a monster to destroy everything in its path, then you are no better than the monster."
"It is not poison. It is the truth."
It was the bitter taste of relief.
But everything came with a price.
"Ours is a love stronger than fear and deeper than the sea."
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